Sunday, May 05, 2013

Love Languages

I am so thankful that my husband makes an effort to speak my love language.

In pre-marital counseling 10 years ago we went through the book "The 5 Love Languages" by Gary Chapman  It helped to identify how we felt most loved and in turn, how to better love the other person. The 5 identified ways in the book are Words of Affirmation, Physical Touch, Acts of Service, Gifts, and Quality Time. All of those are nice and lovely things and we all probably like to give and receive in all of those capacities at times. The book helped to understand which areas were most important to us. It has helped a lot in our marriage, but also in how I view my relationships with others.

Ten years ago, Words of Affirmation and Quality Time were most important to me.  Adam knows it is important to tell me he appreciates me, reassure his love for me, thank me for making dinner, write me notes, etc. Those things speak volumes to me.

Well, I took the quiz again a few weeks ago, and what do you know, I've managed to change!  I guess I like to keep him on his toes.  I'm now most strongly identified with Acts of Service.  Makes total sense to me when I think about it. I am often fighting off feelings of being overwhelmed and running around feeling like my to-do list is never-ending. I guess that whole 3 young kids, home ownership, part-time work, food preparation, ministries....(and the list could go on) would do that to me. I usually go to bed at night thinking about what the "action" plan is for the next day to try to put a dent into what I need/want to get done. So, while Words of Affirmation still was close behind, it was interesting to see how much Acts of Service rose up to the top for me. 10 years ago, I had little responsibility and my time was my own.

And interesting enough, Adam has changed also. 10 years ago, he was Physical Touch and Quality Time. Physical Touch is still really important to him. But Gifts has climbed toward the top for him. As I think about this, it makes sense to me. He used to spend money however he wanted. 10 years ago, he didn't have a wife or kids to think about yet. He wouldn't spend what he didn't have, but if he had something to spend, he would often spend it. Enter a penny-pinching/frugal/thrifty wife who oversees our mostly 1-income budget, and well....his freedom to spend as he pleases on DVD's, sports equipment, hobbies, etc. has been drastically cut back to....not much/nil/rare occasions. Receiving things that he's dreaming of and pining after means A LOT to him.

Wonder what another 10 years will do to us?

Anyways. Good story here. I made a meal for a friend who had surgery recently. In an effort to get it taken to them at a certain time, I had made a huge mess of the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon. HUGE! Dishes and food everywhere. I loaded up the boys in the van to go across town to drop off the meal. Before I left I texted Adam to tell him that I had gotten it done in time but that the kitchen was a disaster. I was dreading returning home to the mess, knowing that I should clean it up. Well, when I returned home, I walked into the kitchen to find it SPOTLESS! He had dashed out of his office (good thing he works close and had a flexible schedule that afternoon) and gotten home and cleaned everything up. He left my netbook sitting on the counter with a sweet note to me pulled up on it. And he was back at work before I even got home. Yep, he's good to me. He makes an effort to love me in ways that mean a lot to me.

Long post here. With no pictures. I'm sure I lost some people.

But if you would like to see what your Love Language is, you can go HERE. Click on the Profile and choose Love. There's some other tests you can take also. Like I said, knowing where I'm at helps in my marriage, but I've also referred to it when I handle relationships with family members, friends, co-workers. The world could always use more efforts of people trying to love one another.

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