Thanksgiving is a time where it comes more natural to be
liberal with our showering and proclaiming of everything that we are thankful
for. Its certainly not a bad thing to
sprinkle efforts of having an attitude of gratitude all over social media or
throughout our homes in the forms of wall art or throw pillows. It’s an
immensely beautiful thing, really – to be grateful.
Sometimes it comes easily, full of “my cup runneth over” moments
where you just cannot get the smile of deep content and joy off of your face. And other times, it is an intentional mindset
or an effort of directing thoughts towards the abundance and the good, rather
than the shortcomings or difficulties. And
for some, at other times, it may be downright difficult to see through the veil
of hardships to identify blessings and believe that things can ever turn around
for the better.
Our family of 5 has so much to be grateful for. We try to be
intentional about voicing our gratefulness and identifying our blessings. A thankfulness pumpkin has occupied our
kitchen table for the last two months. Every night at dinner we take a few moments
to write on its sides the people, places, and things that we are thankful for (Yes, you might see penguins written down) Its become
a dinnertime tradition that we have enjoyed and may have to do in different
forms so that we can continue to practice it throughout the year.
This Thanksgiving was a little hard though.
We actually spent our Thanksgiving Day without any family or
friend gatherings to attend. I cracked
the whip and made Adam work on getting the basement project started while I tended
to the tedious job of painting trim and baseboards on the main level of the
house most of the afternoon and into the evening. Much of the day was dreary,
cloudy, and sprinkling rain. And for
dinner, we ate at Burger King because it was the only thing we could find that
was open.
But none of that was what made it hard.
You see, we had a family gathering the weekend before. And
we have another family gathering today. We’ve experienced a full house of loved
ones with plenty of food to eat, good conversation, great moments of
connection, and people that love us. We
have other family that we couldn’t see, due to distance, that we know love us
also. We have been embraced by our new church. The boys are doing well in
school. We have a house provided to us that is next door to church, Adam’s
workplace, Heath’s preschool, the boys’ school, the local high school and
middle school, and has a large parking lot for riding bikes in. We have closets
full of clothes, cupboards and a fridge lined with food, bins stocked with
various toys, bank accounts with more than enough for what we need. We can easily think of people throughout the
course of our lives that have influenced, affected, and blessed us. We have 3 boys that are growing, learning,
and are healthy. And I still have a smile on my face from getting to see
friends all day yesterday as we made a quick whirlwind tour of visiting Grand
Rapids. We have so many bountiful and
good things in our lives. And we have
the joy, peace, love, and hope of Jesus.
It was hard because we had volunteered to deliver meals to
shut-ins. Something I thought would have
left a more satisfied feeling in my heart. Helping out is supposed to feel good,
right?....
But it didn’t. It
left me conflicted, confused, and heavy feeling, unsure of what could really be
done on a grand scale – a feeling of the
need being so much greater than what the offering was. Our route was what I assume to be a government
subsidized apartment complex with mostly older people residing in it. For the rest of the day, I couldn’t shake the
image of the woman who needed help getting out of bed so she could use the
restroom – not even remotely interested in the meal we brought for her, and me
smelling the urine in her bedsheets and asking if anyone stops in to check on
her. Me trying to smile and tell her we
hope she has a nice Thanksgiving only to help her back to bed and have her quietly
insist that she just didn’t know how it could be. Or the woman who expectantly
and excitedly greeted us, even prepared to give us money for being so nice to
bring her a thanksgiving meal….only for us to leave and be on with our route
and day. Or the older man in overalls who peeked out his door and who wasn’t on
our list that then proceeded to follow us from a distance down the hallway,
clearly interested in the food that we were handing out.
But we showed up with our eager smiles and our homemade cards
that we had drawn hand turkeys on. The
boys excitedly rode the elevator, knocked on doors, handed out our cards, and exclaimed
over and over again how our van smelled like Thanksgiving. I pointed out how providential it was that we
had made the exact number of cards needed, even though we had no idea how many
meals we were going to be delivering.
And how perfect it was that we ended up having someone on our list who
had somehow just received another meal, giving us an extra meal to hand out to
the man in overalls who was still following us down the hallway. We exuded a spirit of joy as we walked in and
back out of other’s realities.
But my heart is still heavy and conflicted thinking about it
all. A dose of reality that I know
exists and readily admit to – that people are lonely and living in long moments
of isolation, have broken bodies and spirits, and have tangible physical needs , but one that I don’t often enough
willingly encounter in doses like I did on Thanksgiving this year. I’ve gone on missions trips to third world
countries, served in the inner city, held babies in orphanages, fitted children
with needed shoes, used a “toilet” and visited homes in rural Africa…..I’ve
been exposed to “needs” before. But it
is easy to forget. …..or ignore in the midst of my normally comfortable and
full life.
How do we live in the balance of being aware and involved in
the deep and real needs and hardships of others…..and still enjoy life’s pleasures
and embrace our full and bountiful existences of having more than enough? All of a sudden, many of those things that our
family listed on our thankfulness pumpkin seem silly and trite. And the little we gave of ourselves on Thanksgiving
feels like a drop in the ocean. How are we supposed to do this Jesus?
But I am grateful to have these moments of wrestling. Moments that make me catch my breath and ask
Jesus to help me understand. Moments
that soften and tenderize my heart, open my eyes, challenge my views and
thinking, get me uncomfortable, and spur me onto reaching out and doing what I can
with the moments that I have been given.
